you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
pray to the hookup gods
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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