He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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