I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize