its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
