It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
