Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
