You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize