i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
