Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
