Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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