she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
