things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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