I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
