i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
