when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
