So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
