New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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