I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
