How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
