Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just want to make out with him forever
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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