where am i from again
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
