So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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