ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize