Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
