After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
