Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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