He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
