i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
