my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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