he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
