This dress was meant to end up on your floor
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
