just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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