The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Randomize
