After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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