I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
