Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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