apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
