Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
