did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
