I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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