oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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