Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize