You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
