Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
do nipples grow back?
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