Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
