This is not my ceiling
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
