I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
