he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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