gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
