I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just pee around me
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
