just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
