She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize