why didn't you poke me back
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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