I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
