Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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