I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
