Sry I called you an 8
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
