Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
