cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
