a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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