That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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