youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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