I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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