I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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