I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
