Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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