You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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