WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
