How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
