I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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