i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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