Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
